beWARM

Love hurts…especially when its expression comes in the form of verbage colored with angry overtones. During such encounters, my discomfort prompts me to elicit defensive retorts in protection of my wounded ego.

I have difficulty composing my thoughts under such pressure, and often my responses do the thing I least want them to do – fan the flames that are already scorchingly uncomfortable.

When such incidents occur unexpectedly, I am really thrown for a loop.

And so, I make statements that I wish I hadn’t.

Ouch.

Not one to embrace conflict, I usually steer clear of potential emotional minefields, always playing it safe. So when a couple of conversations took a sudden turn during these past few months, I felt as if I had stepped into a situational snakepit.

How could this be happening?  What did I do that brought on such vehemence?

And reacting without thinking clearly can leave a residue difficult for even the most powerful cleanser to remove.

Why didn’t I respond more calmly?  How could I let myself get so rattled?  That’s not really what I meant to say.

The funny thing is, after replaying the conversation later, I begin to realize that some of those stinging remarks were (gulp) true.

I wasn’t seeing the whole picture.  I had been distracted enough not to be truly listening.

Wow.

I much prefer God’s gentler messages.  But perhaps the intensity of the delivery is commensurate with His desire for me to hear Him.

Okay Lord, you have my attention.

Speaking the truth doesn’t always get the reaction we’d like, especially if it is colored by fear and doubt – and in turn, hearing the truth coated with disappointment and anger isn’t very palatable.

But the fact remains…God continues to show us what is good and true – and He doesn’t give up when we don’t get it for the umpteenth time.

I have forced myself to reflect on how my words and actions (or lack thereof) have affected others. And I will continue to spend time thinking and praying about what I need to change.

Above all, I thank the messengers.  Beyond the style of delivery, the truth of their comments prevails.

And love – God’s perfect and complete love – allows healing and forgiveness.

And that’s The Truth.

An essential part of true listening is the discipline of bracketing, the temporary giving up or setting aside of one’s own prejudices, frames of reference and desires so as to experience as far as possible the speaker’s world from the inside, step in inside his or her shoes. This unification of speaker and listener is actually an extension and enlargement of ourselves, and new knowledge is always gained from this. Moreover, since true listening involves bracketing, a setting aside of the self, it also temporarily involves a total acceptance of the other. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will feel less and less vulnerable and more and more inclined to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. As this happens, speaker and listener begin to appreciate each other more and more, and the duet dance of love is begun again. ~ M. Scott Peck, MD