beWARM

“What would it take for you and your husband to fall in love all over again?”

My friend’s recent question has occupied a great deal of my mind space – especially as I reflect back on soon to be four decades of marriage.

I remember our early dating years; my every thought revolved around him; my heart skipped a beat whenever he called. The thought of being apart was unbearable.

Life was complete when we were together – and it was oh so good.

Two little kids from a steel mill town in Pennsylvania, standing next to each other in the elementary school class photos, Adelaide and Nathan Detroit in our high school’s Guys and Dolls…pledging vows to love and honor each other, for better or worse.

What a beautiful, full life it has been. Three beautiful daughters, wonderful sons-in-law, three precious grandchildren – surrounded by the love and warmth of extended family and dear friends.  Our gratefulness to God overflows…

But back to the question, rephrased: What does it take to keep the love in a marriage alive?

In our world of disposable relationships and continuous thrill seeking, maintaining love’s freshness requires effort and commitment.

Over the course of forty years, we have  found ourselves in the depths, looking ahead at seemingly insurmountable challenges before us.  The moments of joy, at the pinnacles of happiness, have been filled with exhilaration and deep satisfaction.

Any couple committed to a decades old marriage (and we know many!) will admit that refreshing and re-energizing a relationship is a lifelong effort.  The rewards? Hearts that are continually reignited  – and renewed.

God, who holds the Eternal Flame, imbeds His light in each of us.  We have the choice to crank it up as we see fit – passing His torch, so to speak.

Re-falling in love at this point in our lives couldn’t feel quite the same as it did way back when – but believe it or not, we can still find new reasons for loving our spouses, and unique ways to express that love.

And they don’t always have to be moonlight and roses.

What really counts in the long term are what I call the “in-betweens”. These are the routine elements of every day – the movements and motions of living that we barely think about. Creating specialness out of the ordinary is a mission for long-term relationships.

Falling in love again happens when are continually mindful of our spouse, sprinkling a bit of extra care and attention into the humdrum of every day. And the smallest gestures can make all the difference in the world.

Regardless of the number of years gone by, we can still fan the flames of romance.

If we think about our Lord, doesn’t He fall in love with us all over again – each and every day? (Even when we don’t deserve it?)

And surely His desire is for us to love Him in the same way.

What better way to love our spouses than to do the same?

My reflections on four decades center around a thankful heart for my amazing husband, whom I love, respect, and admire. Our life experiences have been far beyond what I ever imagined, bringing us closer to God, and to each other.

My prayer is that God will continue to direct our path, and that we will continue to bear His torch.

…And a little romance along the way would be just right.

May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else. ~1 Thessalonians 3:12

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. ~ 1 John 3:18

Click here for a NYTimes article on nurturing a marriage.