When resilience became my guiding word for this calendar year, I anticipated that many layers of its meaning would be revealed as the days unfolded. Throughout the course of 2015, God has certainly provided a plethora of opportunities to put my own pliancy to the test.
But some months ago, my eyes were opened to the multitude of women in my life whose resiliency is awe-inspiring.
The short list includes my sister Geri, who has overcome lymphoma, more than a handful of friends who have become recent widows, and others who have been faced with health issues and/or family situations that have required resolve and stamina well beyond their usual reserves.
But the woman who has been bravest and most resilient in the face of the challenges before her has been my amazing, beautiful mother.
Mom’s quiet strength was always a calming element in our home. When Dad worked the long hours that two jobs required, she managed the household and emphasized strong values that kept my sisters and I in line, and (for the most part) out of trouble.
After my youngest sister left for college, she got a job as a receptionist at a local hair salon to fill the quiet days at home.
That was the only time I remember Mom sounding a bit down in the dumps, which is quite remarkable.
At age 53, Mom faced the difficult transition of leaving a small town where she had spent all of her life. The prospect of living in a major metropolitan area without the safety net of family and lifelong friends was daunting – but Mom had the uncanny ability to pick herself up and move on without complaint or regrets.
Not only did she adapt to city life, she then began a successful career as a property manager of large condominium complexes.
Pretty amazing, at her age.
She was smart, savvy, and very efficient at her job. And well-loved by the residents of her buildings.
Mom was one who didn’t call attention to herself – but her lovely countenance and inner radiance were admired by many.
She was a woman of few words, but one who loved the printed page. There were well over 200 books on her Kindle – and those were read just in the past few years.
Her computer, in her later years, was her connection to the outside world. And she was quite the whiz, emailing all of us regularly, forwarding jokes, and playing Words With Friends.
Mom’s biggest challenge arrived in the form of a gradually debilitating illness – one that eventually confined her to a wheelchair.
She ultimately had to express her words in writing, her vocal chords immobilized by her condition.
I know she had to be so discouraged, and even angry, about the changes in her body that she couldn’t control.
But Mom, in her inimitable style, endured her illness with grace and dignity, until she finally had to rely on others for her daily needs.
Her strength in the face of adversity and her unwavering calm spoke volumes.
In her final days, Mom’s illness overcame her – but her peaceful passing came with an overwhelming calm and radiant light.
She was my friend, my encourager, my inspiration, and an example of fortitude and courage. The loss of our precious matriarch, who deeply loved her family, will be felt by all who loved her so.
My beautiful mother is now wrapped in the arms of the angels and our Lord in heaven.
Her resilient spirit will sit strong at the core of my very being..forever.
For I am the Lord your God Who holds your right hand, and Who says to you, ‘Do not be afraid. I will help you.’ ~Isaiah 41:13 (NLV)
Toni, these are beautiful words from a wonderful daughter. No doubt the love between you and your mother was a delight to her as well. May you grieve well. I will be praying for you.
Thank you so very much, dear friend…
Just beautiful Toni.
Toni: Herb and I are so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for the beautiful description of your mom. It allows me to understand what a amazing person she was.
Thank you, Dina. And yes, Mom was so beautiful…. Inside and out.
Toni, this is such a wonderful tribute. if I had to choose only a few words to describe Aunt Dorothy, it would definitely be beautiful, warm, elegant, calm, witty, loving and kind. She loved to brag about her family and was so very proud of all of you. Our sincere condolences to all during this difficult time.
Thank you so much, Carol. We will miss Mom so much. Our love to you and Aunt Ellie, too…
Dear Toni,
Your words are a tribute to your mom. I’m glad that you were able to go out to visit her once again before her passing…and to possibly still be with her as she left this life and on to the next glorious one. When I read, “her peaceful passing came with an overwhelming calm and radiant light,” I thought, wow, who wouldn’t want to go that way? There is a hole in your family now, no doubt. I’ll be praying for you all in the coming weeks.
Much love, Jennifer
Thank you, Jennifer. Would that we all could leave this world the way Mom did. Your prayers are much appreciated…. xo
Toni, so beautifully written! Her light continues to shine through her girls. You all are such a reflection of her. She was a treasure….full of love, kindness, gentleness and generosity. Friends like Dorothy…..you never forget….her presence will always be with me.
We are so thankful for all Mom taught us. Thank you for appreciating her, and for your friendship…
Toni Ann, I am so sorry to hear of your Mom’s passing. I have so many fond memories of her and your Dad. My sympathy and prayers to you, Joni and Geri and your families. Much love, Kathy LaCamera DeSante
Thank you for your kind words, Kathy. You and your family were a big part of our family’s life during our Farrell days. Our best to you…
My condolences also to your father.
Dear Toni, Your beautiful words have created a beautiful vision of your mother for us to see that beauty lives on in you. What a lovely tribute to share. Like my mother, her strong spirit will remain always in the hearts of all that loved her. Warm embraces to you and your family. Elizabeth
Thank you, Elizabeth. Your warm words and support mean so much.
Toni, Now I know where you inherited your beautiful spirit. It is so difficult to loose our mothers and my heart feels for you. And I might add you have had quite a year. I had a year like that back in 1987 when we moved to Kauai. My Dad, Mother and Keith’s Mother all died in their 80’s. We had always been near them in Fort Collins, CO. So our move was very difficult for us and them, being so far away. I am praying for you that the Lord will strengthen you, as always, through this difficult time in your life. love, Deborah
Thank you for sharing, Deb. Being far away has been difficult, but God blessed us by having us here during the last week of her life.
Toni, I am so glad you included this beautiful photo of your beautiful mama! To “resilient” I would add “elegant,” in the way God is elegant – creating, restoring, renewing. I have always been amazed at her command of “modern” technology – Kindle, emails – showing her love of daily connection with her loved ones. Her lovely smile in this photo is, I’m sure, undiminished and constant in her new life! Your beautiful memory-tribute shows me how much of her lives in you. Aching with you………. b.
Mom had so many beautiful qualities…and “elegant” was one of them! YOu are right, Betty…Mom will live on in all of us. Thanks for your lovely thoughts….
Toni, your words about your mother are beautiful, just like she was. I love you.
I love you too…..
What a loving & lovely tribute. Sending you love & hugs
xoxox to you, Lois…
Toni, I really have no words for you. Your tribute is so beautiful. I know how hard this is for you and will give you a hug in January. xo
I will look forward to your hug, Sheila! Thank you…
Our dear friend and sister in the Lord. Our hearts ache with you and may our gracious Lord wrap his strong arms tightly around you and your whole family during this bitter sweet time. Be assured of our continued prayers. Larry and Alice
Thank you for your beautiful words, dear friends. And for your prayers also…
Geri, Julian, Brandon and I are so very sorry for the loss of your Mom. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers through this difficult time. If you need anything we are here for you. Hugs and kisses
Thank you very much for your caring words, Dawn.
I have such wonderful, warm, fun memories of your mother while growing up. My love and deepest sympathy to all of you at this sad time.
Thank you, Jamie. We love remembering the fun we had with you, your sisters, and your Mom. All those trips to Conneaut Lake, birthday parties, etc. – memories that will help ease our sadness….
Dear Toni, You have been on my mind so much lately. I was just writing in my journal about your Dignity. What a gift you have given your mother, so much dignity. And how much dignity she modeled for you. And both of you have modeled for us. Straight from God’s heart to the heart of the world. May your coming days be filled with grace and showers of blessings from all those who love you. Sending love
Susan – you have been on my mind, too! Thank you for your encouraging words. Mom was filled with dignity, even until her last days. She was an inspiration to all of us.
Are you still in Santa Fe? I would love to see you. xo
So beautiful and eloquent. So sorry for this great loss of your mom.
Thanks so much, Leah.
Isn’t it interesting how your mother modeled the very word that God chose for you this year, Toni? She must have been a huge influence in your life…and for many others. I pray that the loss you feel can be held for as long as you need along with a hope of resiliency. May your heart expand to receive all that God desires to show you through this time of mourning.
Yes, Julie….The fact that God helped me to see Mom’s resilience was a gift. And thank you for the idea that holding the loss for as long as needed is helpful for the grieving process. Wise words – thank you for sharing. I hope you are doing well.
What is your word this year?
Dear Toni…just read this and I am sorry that you have lost your Mother…you have been a precious daughter! Love you,Louise
Thanks very much, Louise. This year has brought its challenges, especially with Mom’s illness and her failing health. Thankfully my sister Geri is in full remission from her lymphoma, so we are rejoicing about that. And Mom’s being in heaven now is cause for rejoicing, too.
Hope life is good in Austin, and that you and John are well and happy. Xo